I love my family.
Despite Papa Yap being conservative and over-protective, Mama being the stoker and the Duos being irritating,
We are of great fun.

One fine day, Mama left her concealer tube on the table.
Curious Brother Yap Jr. saw it and squeezed out a handful of it.
Papa Yap discovered what he did and decided that the creamy solution shouldn’t go to waste.
He assumed that ALL cosmetics provide anti-ageing effect and thought he could use some help.
He transferred the concealer onto his palm; applied it on his face and took a nap.
*For those who doesn’t know what is a concealer, it’s the ICI-Dulux for the face, to conceal flaws…takes on a creamy texture and few shades lighter than one’s skin colour.*
Forget to mention that Mama is slightly fairer than I am and Papa Yap is nowhere near fair…so the contrast is…
When Papa Yap walked out of the room after nap,
I practically laughed off the couch when I saw him.
He looked like he dipped his face in a flour pan…unsightly indeed.

Being the eldest in the family,
I have the advantage to manipulate younger siblings…
***Background music: I’ve got the power.***
The Yap Brothers are the best in the world.
I will only trade them if you offer me a good price.
Buy one free one.
When Mama isn’t around, we would run around performing stupid acts.
Mama was out and we wanted to surprise her when she gets back.
I took one of her reddest lipsticks,
And started working on the canvasses = brothers’ faces + mine.
By the end of the session, three of us had BIG red circles on the cheeks and a super-sized mouth…SUPER.
We hid behind the door when Mama got back and giggled.
When Mama saw us, she controlled her lips muscles so as to not twitch and blurted “Stupid”.
All was funny until we found out that we picked a waterproof lipstick.
We spent half the day wiping and scrubbing hoping to get rid of the stains but nothing seemed to work.
We went to bed looking like baboon’s arse.

Fun leh :P


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

I'm certain that gays enter the male's washroom.
They only want to see male actions mah...
But I can't help thinking about the "ah-guas"...
A better definition for ah-gua is like...a woman trap in a man's body.

So lar...
Ah gua go which side?
Very typical Malaysian ah-gua style is...Long coarse black hair + Meters of ICI Dulux on the face + Sunglasses + A whole bunch of similar friends + Weird voice + Weirder boobs.
I'm not discriminating or anything.
I just find them very amusing.
Especially the ones in Sunway.

I once walked behind 3 gorgeous ladies.
They had the height..the items..
The IT-girl basically...
As usual I wanted to speed up...pretend to look for a shop that doesn't even exist and while looking around take a PEEP at them.
Before I sempat...
One of them blurted out really loudly that:"Saya rasa sexy lar hari ini"...with the fling-the-hair gesture.
I swear that "she" sounded just like Johnny Depp.

So right...another confusing part for me is...
Ah guas...got ding-dongs or not?
I'm just very curious lar..
Seriously not discriminating.
I am adapting a very Britishy policy.
See they like to hire them what...Eg. T_P_H_P ...Fill in the blanks with the alphabet after "N".
But I always go there lar...And they were pretty helpful...Hope they don't have friendster.
Or else I have to go...*Thinking of an American company*


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

I am very irritated by some chatters lately,particularly ONE that thought he fooled me with multiple accounts.
Dude,get a life!
The least you can do is to be creative.
Stop creating accounts of similar patterns such that:
(Christian name)_(Made up initials)@hotmail.com...LAME.

Let me make it clear.
DON’T ask irrelevant questions,it really gets on my nerves.
Unless I know you in person,then I will tell you.
No need to ask questions like:
Got bf/ex ah?
Love your bf/ex ah?
It just shows that you’re simply brainless and lame.
Haven’t I already stated my status?
If you’re so interested in my bf/ex why don’t you chat with him?

DON’T ask if you want to assume.
What is the point when I answered and you go:
“Bluff lar…don’t lie.”…(Then DON’T ASK lar!)
Why asked in the first place when you’re not going to believe in me who knows myself the best.

DON’T ask the same question twice.
“Got bf ah?”...(No need to ask 10 times)
I answered NO for the first one and same goes for the subsequent ones.
Can’t read ah?

DON’T pretend to be a girl when you’re not.
Because girls don’t ask about boyfriend.
Girls simply don’t chat with female strangers.
Girls don’t ask sexual related questions and neither should guys because it is VERY rude and tells about your up-bringing.
You must be of bad quality education when you surfaced with that kind of questions.
And it does no good for your reputation.
So STOP. So desperate meh?
Until you seek satisfaction like that.
Retarded.

I am not being rude, just very straightforward.
I simply hate the idea of going around the bush and in the end, my message is still not received how I want it to be.
I believe in speed and accuracy.
I express my opinions very frankly and if you still don’t get it I'll block you because I don’t want to waste time.
If you’re going to behave like a buffoon and repeat the same question…you simply don’t understand the rules of socializing.
Shut up when others express uneasiness.
ARGGH.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

Papa Yap thinks that I am the perfect target of all kidnappers and rapers.(WTF)
Throughout his fathering years,
Papa Yap spent great effort on convincing me that someday someone will capture me and do something horrible to me.
Normally his stories involve the same plot...Catch, rape and kill.
Devices involve tools that provide anesthetic effect and human power.

Before I got my driving license, Papa Yap offered this piece of advice.
¡°Never stop if you¡¯re driving alone when somebody bangs you...The fellow will approach you with an umbrella. When he opens it, some anesthetic-like powder will release¡­you know the rest of the story.¡± (Wong Fei Hong show meh...umbrella!)

Everyday life situations didn¡¯t manage to escape mighty Yap¡¯s imagination.
¡°Don¡¯t attend to any salesmen. He will be smoking and when he directs the exhaled gas to you, you will faint¡­¡± (Assume the gas has anesthetic effect as well).
The story continues with the regular plot...Catch, rape, kill.

This one made me cracked, BIG time.
¡°I tell you ah girl, don¡¯t think all the young men at Starbucks are there just for a cuppa. They¡¯re waiting for victims, stupid girls LIKE you (Why me?)¡­Sweet talk and hopefully get you into bed.¡±
Now there¡¯s a whole network of males wanting to get females to bed and they¡¯re base is in Starbucks.
None of my concern. Not a caffeine-addict also.

I understand that his concern arises from fatherly love.
I fail to see life as risky as he did.
Perhaps I¡¯m not wise enough or imaginative enough.
Papa Yap has sarcastic replies for my counter phrases.
I know kung-fu mah¡­¡°Your kung-fu greater than a bullet firing device hor?¡±
I can run mah¡­¡°You can run faster than a car hor?¡±
I don¡¯t go Starbucks wan¡­¡°Asia Caf¨¦ also same.¡±
I can call for help¡­ ¡°I won¡¯t help you er¡­less one child only.¡± (This is how much I¡¯m worth)
This one he has yet to find a reply.
I tell that fellow I have AIDS lar!...¡°Don¡¯t be stupid.¡±

That's how much he loves me.
Don't jealous lar.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

Every girl should know these facts.

Champagne is a place in Paris.
Only champagne made in Champagne is champagne (HAHA, confused?),
Otherwise, it's called sparkling wine.
Champagne made of Chardonnay (white grapes) is known as Blanc de Blancs.
Where else those made from red grapes, Pinot Noir or Pinot Meunier, are called Blanc de Noirs.
France and Italy are the leading wine producers (Bordeaux and Barolos).

If the name Bernard Arnault doesn’t ring any bell,
Proceed to the washroom and give your head a refreshing flush.
He owns (51% share) the LVMH (Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy) group,
LVMH constitutes over 50 brands including Tag Heuer, Louis Vuitton, DKNY, Marc Jacobs, Loewe, Fendi etc.
***If you haven’t heard of any of the brands mentioned, enlighten yourself with a hard spank…on the head. Life ain’t all bout eating and shitting, ok?***
LVMH also owns Hennessy, Krug, Moët et Chandon etc.

In any pint glass filled with Guinness,
The bubbles sink.
It’s a very scientific thing.(Try to understand)
The bubbles consist of mainly nitrogen.
They rise quickly to the surface but are too reactive to wait to combine with air,
So they fight the current and go all the way down.
The cycle is then repeated.
How’s this important you ask?
Well, you might impress someone at the bar be it for courtship or just a brief conversation.

Other must-know facts:
You don’t look better when you’re drunk, nor does your eyesight gets any better.
Therefore, drinking + dating = BAD.
Never take a man’s word when he’s drunk or watching a football match.
When a man opens the car door for a woman,
It’s either milady is a new lover or the car is new.

A very shocking sentence quoted from Alvin Leong, SAM Taylor’s College(Oops, name-dropped ;P).
Nikki: All the boys also humsap wan la!
Alvin: “Lam zhai em ham, lui chai dim sap leh?” (Wtf…)
Too bad if you don’t understand cantonese.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

Gem cutter.
I didn’t answer few hundred questions to find out that my ideal job involves:
- wearing some freaky one-sided magnifying lenses
- isolating myself to a small table in a dark corner
- dealing with earth minerals
- ending up with pet cockroaches

Mine wasn’t that bad.
Ylaine scored for farming technology (High-tech farmer…)
Sonya’s was hilarious…Minister of Religion….(HAHAHA)
Worse of all, “NURSE” was at the top of LVX’s list…(Apocalypse)
***For those who didn’t manage to catch the one on LVX, he’s lame and verbally, not to mention mentally perverted. Nothing can get worse when a person misheard “Pineapple” as “My nipple”…How he ended up with nursing, I don’t have the slightest idea, but it just ain’t right. Curses.***

I find comfort in all that.
At least I don’t deal with organic matters = faeces.
Generally, men find nurses very sexy...we all know why.
Somehow, I don’t find bathing old people with gravitated genitals or manually assisting those with poor bowel movement…appealing.
Really, you don’t just measure the temperature and jab people okay?
You must agree with me on this.
We’d expect the jabbing nurses to at least force a grin and assure us that it doesn’t hurt while using the sterile wipes.
Instead, all we get is some mid-age woman with a bitter face tapping on the flesh and telling us that it’s painless AFTER the jab.
"Not pain wan la!"

I am very interested in petroleum engineering (As suggested by Voon Sien).
It’s all I ever wanted: [Chemistry + Physics – Specialist Math]
Might be stationed at an oilrig in the middle of the ocean.
Sun + Sea = Big Fun
But having a few hundreds of sex-deprived workers (Ranking doesn’t really matter)…
A big gamble, isn’t it.
You can run/drive if you’re working on mainland.
The only means of escaping in the middle of the sea it either you have a flock of sea-gulls as pets or make good friends with the swimming penguins.
Creepy.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

My house, the Pet Hell.
Parents hate animals.
Brothers love animals.
I’m in between.

I wanted a puppy.
Couldn’t remember the breed but it sounded something like Parmesan(Cheese, I know) and Permanganate(Chemical, I know).
Proposed the idea to Papa & Mama.
“CAN, find a dog that doesn’t shit. Then you can keep it.”
***Indirectly telling me proposal rejected la!..Where got dog don’t shit wan!..It’s their favourite pass-time activity! (SAD)..Brothers suggested that dead dogs don’t produce faeces. Who wants a dead dog!***

No animals that came in managed to leave alive.
For example.
I have smart brothers who bathed tortoise with soap.
You know what happen next.
Smart brothers also dropped tortoise in the toiletbowl by accident.
Then, smart sister (ME) suggested: “We flush, then find in longkang, ok?”
Little did she know that the plumbing wasn’t connected to longkang.

With good intentions,
Smart brothers fed street kitties chocolate and potato chips.
Kitties no more.
A tarantula was also placed in the freezer to determine the use of the fur on the body.
The concentration was later channeled to caramel ice-cream and TV.
Poor tarantula was collected the next morning and the legs were easily broke off.
Hahaha. Sadist me.

Back in primary school,
There was a hamster that my friends and I took turn to handle.
I was the last to handle it.
God knows where the hamster gained the strength to force open the lid and ran off.

Perhaps all that indicated that I should never get a pet.
Yet, I must persevere and continue on my quest for a shitless puppy.
I am growing up and can take care of animals.
***Yak Yak Yak***

I want a panda.
Speaking bout that…
I was at the park one day and out of nowhere came a panda…PANDA!
So miraculous know.. Hong Mao in Malaysia.
Then the panda barked.
WTF.. It was a panda-like chao chao.
Give me fake hope only.

This is irrelevant but must mention.
Don't name your child Virginia or Dick.
Thank you very much.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

I shall share my philosophies of romance with you guys.
I ain’t that shallow…

Philosophy 1:
I don’t believe in love at first sight.
If it’s true, it’ll only happen between shoes and I.
And nobody wants to be compared to shoes,
Especially at the rate girls change them.

Philosophy 2:
I realize there’s no point setting criteria for what I want in a guy.
More often than not “Mr. Right” turns out to be everything but right.
Eventually, I believe that my pre-set criteria will be altered to suit my Mr. Right in the end.

Philosophy 3:
Problems are the side effect of romance.
If there’s no problems in a relationship,
Both parties are simply too ignorant.
Because when you love someone,
You tend to over look matters and get jealous easily.
We don’t find faults with other people because we don’t give it a damn!

Philosophy 4:
Have a separate life.
Yeah, we are together but still need to live our own life.
It’s the separation that creates the sense of longing.
And the mysterious separated lifestyle is what keeps us sexy.

Philosophy 5:
Act when you need to.
Someone once told me best friends know how to act when they need to.
It applies in relationship.
At down times, perhaps the best way to help him get over it is to pretend that you don’t know anything.
He probably doesn’t want to talk about it nor does he want the embarrassment to spread.
Save his male ego by pretending.
It ain’t that hard being ignorant once in a while.

Philosophy 6:
Praise each other once in a while.
Be it her nice smell, her beautiful eyes, his firm hands…
Say something nice to each other.
It shows appreciation and how much you love each other.
(Ok, so I programmed my classmates to say I’m pretty and sexy…I admit lo…)

In conclusion…
Whatever you watched in movies isn’t necessarily correct.
If you want to live in denial and think that love is all beautiful.
Wish you all the best and you might need supplies of anti-depressant la.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

I’m sorry all our conversations seemed to somehow involve or relate to sexual issues,
But that’s the way it is.
I’m not as innocent as I look,And I won’t pretend to be…
But I know the fine line between saying it and doing it.

It seems to me that people (particularly males),
Humsapness is at all-time high at the age of 17-18.
Well, at least for one that I know (I tend to stereotype).
Let’s not name drop,His initials are LVX…hahaha.

Case study 1:
He misheard PINEAPPLE as “my nipple” when everyone else registered “my apple”…(Premi, work on your pronunciation!)

Case study 2:
LVX: Pohlian (My official name), I tell you a joke.
Me: Tell.
LVX: People say, “The vagina of a virgin is like a flower that’s blossoming; for those who did it too often, we just call it a bull-dog eating mayonnaise.” (WTF…I slap you!...So disgusting)

Case study 3:
***Out of ordinary in LAN class***
LVX: Pohlian, I c u like small 1…(Pointin at my bottle, those from 7-11).
Me: WTF, den Sonya liks big-headed 1 la! (Sonya was using the Pepsi Football edition with bulges).
Sonya: Ei! Den Ylaine liks rectangular 1 ah?...(Ylaine’s was somehow angled and has lots of rectangulars)
LVX: Yalo, Hsien Leng liks hard 1…(Steel bottle wey~…Hsien Leng is a guy)(Everyone was quite hyped up until Ylaine laughed so hard at something she couldn’t speak. That’s when she pointed out to Su Ee’s bottle on the floor…WAHAHAHA!...It was those 1-Litre HUGE plastic bottle in pink *Know which type right?...Now laugh*…By then, everyone was laughing so badly, Su Ee is the most innocent girl you can find in the universe…)

Great.
Now I can never look at Su Ee’s bottle or her at the same way.
Thank God she doesn’t have a friendster account.
How on earth does one’s bottle portrays what type she/he prefers.
How can you compare the vagina to a bull-dog?
Don’t bite also…and won’t gravitate until like that right…(So scary meh?)
Go tell a girl la…
Would your bull-dog like some mayonnaise?Sure die.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

Honestly, Iˇm not a big fan of football (soccer).
Iˇd prefer games with girls involve (Soundtrack  Milkshake).
I only came in touch with football during secondary school,
When the guys had not enough players and decided that a ¨bangku〃 can also be of good use.
After spending what seemed like an eternity to explain the rules to me
All I get was: NO hands, fight for the ball, find a goal, and kick it in.

They were wrong,The bangku is of no good at all.
Many times I scored goals,My opponents cheered along with me.
Bummer! Wrong goal
All I got throughout the week was the WTF face from teammates.
Not my fault ok?
You didnˇt mention score the OTHER goal
For once, I actually remember scolding my own goalkeeper ¨Move la!〃

Hahaha,Girls will be girls ma.
The 1st joy I find in watching football comes from laughing at the players who fall.
And laugh some more during the replay.
The playersˇ ding-dongs should be well guarded right?
Any kicks of the players can travel half-field (Power la)
Imagine the impact on the ding-dongs,Fatherˇs day no more.

The 2nd joy comes from being able to ¨curi〃 peopleˇs food when theyˇre concentrating on the game
.Iˇm famous for not finishing my own food,
But sneaking around for other peopleˇs.
So friends, all your missing french fries, pizza, roti planta
In my stomach (Probably passed out already).

The final joy comes from confusing my friends.
England scoredCheer!!!
Sweden scoredCheer!!!
Brasil scoredCheer!!!¨
Who you supporting wan?!〃
When I was younger Iˇll tell people ¨Later only I tell you〃.
The later will be 5 minutes before the game ends
Pick the leading teamso 97% of the time I made good choice.
Now at the age of 18,
I have to make a stand
So Iˇd stick to Brasil la
Though theyˇre performance are less satisfying.

Muahahaa...I told my friends I can speak italiano "Spaghetti, macaroni, carbonara...
"Replies???
We can speak japanese "Sushi, tsunami, wasabi..."


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

Brought up by a group of people in the library who don’t understand the definition of “Silence, please”.

Nikki: Why aborigine women can milk their children while cooking?
**Silence**
Cause they’re cooking the children?
“Because their breasts so long until can flip over the shoulder. The children feed behind, they cook in front la!”…I SWEAR with my pillow it’s true.

Patric: Got anot oh…how?
Ylaine: Bcos dey don’t wear bra ma! Effect of gravity. Old ppl oso lidat 1!
Hsien: How u noe?
Ylaine: (Laughs) Coz 1 time I TER-open the toilet door n I TER-nampak my grandmother bathin…

***Now that reminds me back when I was 13, I played hide-and-seek and a similar incident happened. Just that I managed to shut the door before my grandmother noticed.***

Sonya: Gravity alone so power meh?
Ylaine: Cos dey do the dance ma. Jump jump jump, the breasts oso fling fling fling…Lama-lama lidat la!
Nikki: No wonder the old ppl don dance anymor ler…
Sonya: No energy?...but I tot dey r very healthy, multiply so much…(Yala, nothing else to do there so they tend to…alot)
Nikki: Nola, dey did so much dancing confirm the breast super long. Fling summor hit the own face. Pain ah.
Patric: Den u don say can use for self defense!
Ylaine: Hahaha, the bad ppl come right, sway the breasts oni…Piak Piak…confirm die.
Nikki: Den dey can float well in water oso lo…
Patric: Hahaha, sit Superstar Virgo den oni c 2 breasts floating, no face or body 1.
Nikki: No wonder dey can survive without technology. Breasts alone enuff ady.
Patric: Emergency rescue, lik Rapunzel.

Jo and Hsien were laughing so hard they couldn’t speak anymore. It was then that we noticed there was a camera right on top of our heads. Amazing how entertaining a conversation can be ain’t it. It happened right before our LAN paper. LAN subjects are the studies of origins and serve no purpose besides giving you an idea that the people last time enjoy fighting and that by killing you can be a hero, too.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

I hate overly girly girls.

Eavesdropping is rude, but it’s inevitable.
Overheard in TCSJ's bathroom.
A: Aiyer,hands wet...Sumor no more tissue...How?
B: I oso dun hav tissue la,y the kakak din replace new 1?...Look! They r up there (Referring to the new toilet paper rolls placed on top on a cubicle partition)...How 2 take? (USE HANDS LA!)

***The 2 continued to complain about their wet hands until I finished my business*** (I walked over, reached for the new rolls, replaced it, slammed shut the dispenser).

Me: There, paper.
They gave me the bitchiest stares. (So that's what I get for doing good?)...Bah, at least it shut them up. WTF, that simple a task also can't perform. New age women must be semi-independent ma, then only sexy. Sexy women are BOLD.

I was desperately trying to stuff my bag into the library locker when I received a SMS that made me divulged the word WTF.
Out of no where, a nerdy girl (I apologize for the vulgarity.) came up to me and said…
“It’s a rude word, a taboo. Girls are not allowed to use it. You shouldn’t say it, it mirrors your background. Why not use OMG instead? And those t-shirts printed with foul language…I can’t stand them, very degrading.”

What?
Am I not allowed to express my emotions in a more dramatical and creative way?
I have a thesaurus of vulgar vocabularies and I can’t even use ONE of them?
That’s a waste of brain capacity.
Besides, I use it once in a blue moon (So “suey” she heard it).
So you’re saying that girls can’t say WTF?
I’m a girl…and WTF WTF WTF (You've unleashed the WTF Devil in me).
If someone said KNNCB to you, you’re just going to say OMG?
That’s dumb.WTF is the least you need to fire back.

Those shirts aren't degrading.
They are pieces of art. A fashion statement.
If you don't like them, keep it to yourself.
You don't find us picking on suspenders, checked boxers and nerdy glasses (Gaining popularity though)...
We fused trendy & nerdy and it turned out pretty good.
Try la!

*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

This is what I get a lot.

Q: Do you have a boyfriend?
A: No, I’d personally prefer boobies.

Yes, I’m sick.
I’m sick of the repeating question.

Come on, who doesn’t like boobies?
Males are drooling over them,
Females are obsessive over theirs’ and others’…(Don’t deny!)

“Females are naturally bisexual.” (Nikki, 2006).
It’s true.
You don’t find our male friends visiting the washroom together.
You don’t find them trying out clothes in the same cubicle.
You don’t find them comparing boob size and texture…(not that they have much to offer).
You don’t find them feeding each other.
Come to think of it, we (womb carriers) are bisexual.
The level of bisexual varies though.
Depending on one’s hormonal behaviour…

I’m off the normal side…haha…I admit.
I really enjoy ‘boob + ass + face + hair’ watch…(sequenced as told).
Once taught that if one doesn’t have boobs, surely the ass will makeup,
If one doesn’t have boobs and ass, surely the face will compensate,
If one doesn’t have any of those three,
Compliment the hair.
Everyone is good for something, it ain’t that physical.
When you have no one in the opposite gender who particularly interests you,
You channel to your own sex.
Something to look at is better than nothing?...(I’m feeling weird now…)
WTF,
Next time ask me “Boyfriend or girlfriend, who do you prefer?”…

*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

I Love Cars...
A fact well-known by close friends.

Zonda F by Pagani (Launched 2005).
Dedicated to the 5 times F1Champion Juan-Manuel Fangio.
Enzos' owners...cry la!
How can you not know this baby?
Body sculpted of carbon-fibre,Weighing at approxamitely 1.2 tonne (Light),
Therefore able to fly 62mph in 3.6 seconds (Or 100kmph....beat that).
V12 engine(Mercedes Benz AMG),
650 horsepower (but hor...a supercharged mustang got 850 hp leh),
7291cc (makes it 7.3L),
48 valves, 4 valves every cylinder...(holy cow).
Manual 6 gears (Duh!...common for performance cars)...
19-inch rims, michelin tyres...(this one nothing much)...
Adjustable shock-absorber, anti-roll bar...
Practically this much la.
Pagani didn't mention its price...
Which means its far too expensive lar...
Since it is hand-built by 10 men...
And only available in Europe...
With that speed...you can't even do a proper U-turn in Malaysian la...
Put your foot on the paddle only you bang the traffic lights...not enough space...

If only we have the Autobahn.
Autobahn is a highway in Germany, 12044 km in length
.No point dressing up to drive there hoping you might meet someone rich...
The cars just whizz by, you can't even catch a sight of the driver.
Bicycles and pedestrians are prohibited from Autobahn,
No need to slow down to make toll-payment.Generally, there's no speed limit,
But the government set up speed limit signs to avoid ganti-rugi when porches or ferraris collide...(alot to pay ma)...

So you see la...
Car lovers...go live in Germany or Italy la...
Where the great cars originated from.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

So disappointed at this year's motorshow...
I remember last time there was more modified cars...
I dare say the nicest car there probably is the Enzo or Zonda...
Where are the BMWs???
Why only Naza display 2 units...???

Also I was suprised to be recognized as Mr Yap's daughter at the Hino and Nissan counter...
I grew up alot...where can recognize...that was...3 years back la...
And so my dad sent me there to be a spy...
To collect price lists...(talk about competition)...

So perhaps they really are selling sex...
Placing models there to attract people...
Why no male models har???...
No female market meh?...Mercedes A170 for girls wat...
Smart cars for ladies what...
Peugeot also for girls what!...
Only place girl models...
I see what?Things that they have...i also have...Sigh...
Include male models next time la.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

I heard this from my brother.

An American,a French and a Malaysian were chatting in the kopitiam.
The American farted, and said..."I'm sorry".
Next, it was the French...he said "Excuse me".
Finally, the Malaysian farted...what did he say?
*Minta maaf? Dui Bu Qi?*....WRONG!
He said "Oh, not me! Not me!"

Proves that we catched the kiasu-flu from our fellow neighbour.
Yala,Malaysians are abreast with Singaporeans in terms of kiasu-ness.

On the road:
"Hmmmp!...Want to cut in ah?Next life la!"
"Ei, that fella just potong my lane!...Overtake, overtake!"

Also seen in schools:
A: "You know how to solve Q2 ah?"
B: "Don't know,don't know (but completed the calculation)."

Apparently,
The kiasu fever has come to a state where young girls are competing to lose virginity (What?!)...
Where neighbours are comparing whose aloe-vera plant is larger...
Where people go to KTV just to sing louder than those in the neighbouring box...

Minority of them kiasu until don't want to accept the fact that Arsenal lost to Barcelona (I am the minority, Arsenal WILL win next year!)

What's the psychology behind CKB (Compulsive Kiasu Behaviour)?
Arises due to insecurity?
Feeling every need to outstand the others,
So that we feel superior?...
Perhaps we're just afraid that people will look down on us?
A very concerning epidemic.

Imagine grocery shopping involving CKB...
Location: Giant, Carrefour, Tesco...(Where ever you get your groceries)
Aunty A took the 1KG Milo, then aunty B came and the 3KG Milo was off shelf...
Immediatly, aunty A switched the 1KG to 5KG (where can lose?)...
Then both ended up with the heaviest pack.
Walau...same goes at the maggi-mee alley, campbell soup alley...
Imagine people buying bras in La Senza...
Waahahaha....must buy the biggest size...(then cannot fill...how?decorate your windows ah?...dangling curtains...not bad)
I'd like to see that.
Let's not live in denial, we are kiasu.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

Anybody here from Saudi Arabia? Or Abu Dhabi?
I want to know which arabic region has the following characteristics:

- the Amin pays for all the health and education expenses
- people there generally live is mansions and drives Cadillacs and Aston Martins...
- women get CASH from the Amin as marriage gift
- newborns are given CASH as gifts...(30,000 USD)- everybody wears Chanel, Gucci, LV, Dior, Salvatore Ferragamo, Armani, Jimmy Choos...
- gems are must have accesories, and often as huge as an egg

Do inform me if you know which state is that,
It EXISTS...
I've herad bout it on Oprah show...
Couldn't recall the name...
Want to do research on it.Thanks.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

I love my parents.
Despite there are times where I find them ridiculously protective,
I understand that their action arises from love.
I am beginning to thank them actually,Or else I would be on cigarettes (which is inappropriate for a girl, no matter how modernize the world is…it’s a fact!)
Perhaps involved in drug abuse,
Perhaps incorporating curses in every sentence…
And perhaps taking sex and relationship like every other Singaporean girls.

I really think having a value of my own will keep me civilized.
Because of this value,I learn how to respect and love myself,
And to select what is the best FOR myself.

What?
You’re telling me that you find serenity when you walk down the streets and hear politicians giving speeches with lots of foul language on plasma screens?
“The world is a F***ed up place so I am committing my arse to make it a better place, better than vagina!”…sounds so wrong.
How are we different from our barbaric ancestors?
In fact, they’re more civilized since they don’t really have a language.
But it’s okay to curse when necessary ;P

What?
You’re telling me that in the modern era,
Nobody cares who had sex with who?
To be frank, it may not matter now,
But it matters in the future.
Your husband won’t be happy hearing his friend’s experience with you when you were young…he has his own pride.
It will be tough to establish trust in relationship for both sides as both of you know each other have a sex-for-fun mentality.
Unless both of you enjoy multiplayer game la…(also another stupid act)…

I don’t understand what pride teenage girls nowadays find in losing virginity.
Okla, you say you are sure you love him then I accept (no need to tell people la).
But for the sake of popularity is just plain dumb.
You are popular cause you are the laughing stock.
Everyone will be talking bad and laughing at you.And you take pride in that…(Background playing “Stupid Girl – Pink”).
Virginity is a gift from God that you will onl


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

After what seemed like a donkey years,
I finally went for a fringe cut.

Stylist: How you want it?
Nikki: Erm,I want it to be at the side.
***snip***
Stylist: Like this?
Nikki: (Looking good already, but greedy)...shorter abit la.
***snip***
Stylist: Now?
Nikki: (%$@&^%*&...look like a 12-year old)...Okla...(so short, not okthen cut somemore...i mah no more fringe?!)

Stylist then notice the expression on Nikki's face,A cocktail of anger + disappointment + hate + constipation...

Stylist: This is the newest trend la...don't worry...
Nikki:...Ok...(&%*$@#**)

I tell you,When it turned out nice, they say they're skilled...
When it turned out ugly, they say it's the new trend...
(WTF, I'm the only one having this ugly hairstyle...of course new trend la!)...
So now I have to sit at home, mourn and wait for it to grow...
Fortunately, holidays are coming.
And when you have a bunch of friends who finds every single thing hilarious, it's not going to help.

Friends: Nikki, you cut your hair ah?
Nikki:...No la, you don't know meh?...It grew shorter...I went for a haircut la duh!
Friends: Listen properly...YOU cut your hair ah?...
Nikki: &*%#@$#*...shut up before I let you eat my shoe.

Not that bad la ok...
Compensate with my face and sense of humour can ah???
Waiting for Mr. Aaron Leong to post my pictures...then I show you.
You tell me...
That bad meh???...

Nevermind la...
Within 2 weeks it'll grow.
So even if it's ugly,I'll bare with it for 14 days.
Then, I'll look prettier than ever la...(contrasting mah....play the mind game)

New moto: Be Challenging, Be Different (temporary until my fringegrows back then it'll go back to --- Eat, shit, sleep ---)

*copy right reserved by NIKKI*

I will be sitting for my mid-year examination tomorrow.
Yet, my brain is reluctant to store any information.
KILL ME.
I am so sick of college life.
Having to drag myself to class at 8am and to remain there until 3pm.
That's not all.
I have to spend 2 hours completing assignments.
Another 2 hours revising for a sudden announced quiz.
WTF...
South Australian Matriculation is a torture.
Worst than a military institute.
At least you get to crawl in mud and climb walls and parachute.
I am facing words for an average of 10-hours a day.

Government policy is wrong.
Students should not study so much.
That is why Malaysia is still far behind developed countries.
All the people only know theory...no practical...how to advance???
Okla...send your ISA to arrest me...
This is no liberate country...no wonder cannot improve.
Everything that proves the government wrong...is wrong...

Situation: Oil splashing out from machine.
Engineer: Oh, that is due to the high pressure due to high temperature...(at this moment, oil has probably wet the whole floor, and the engineer smokes and...POOF!!!...you know what happen next).
***Shut up and stop the oil splashing la.***

People,Don't be naive and say money is not important.
You may not be happy with alot of money, but you are definitely not happy without money.
This is a corrupted world...and we are living in the top 10 most corrupted country where money CAN handle everything.

Kena saman how?...cash the police.
Want to approve loan how?...cash the bank officer.
Want to approve renovation plan how?...cash government officer.
Want to sell pirated VCD how?...cash the JPJ.
Want to change school how?...cash the officer to approve the application.

See! see!...I didn't lie.
Don't be so naive la...
Welcome to the real world.


*copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006*

Well, isn’t it amazing that primates are only 2% different from fellow Homo sapiens in terms of biological build-ups?...
Well, isn’t it amazing that primates are only 2% different from fellow Homo sapiens in terms of biological build-ups?...
Where can?...we are so much…pleasant looking…
“Eii…don’t say that ah, you know right, the gorillas in the zoo might be thinking about the same thing…that they are prettier than us. Plus ah, they will say we are so ashame of our body that we have to put on clothes.”…(Chua, 2006).
In a way, perhaps what Mr. Patric Chua a.k.a lame king, said was right. Still, 2% only what?...Why so different?...

So many people have asked me what kind of guy do I like…***I have not really thought about it***…processing data…He only needs to fit into this list:

1)SHORT hair.
2)Great smile…(Nice teeth la.)
3)Average height and average weight.
4)Knows the balance between playing and studying.
5)Speaks English.
6)Owns 75% of my intelligence.
7)LOYAL.
8)This is my dad’s requirement: Academic achievement.
9)Not a member of the lala-clan.
Alot meh?...9 only what…yet, still no candidates…I don’t want to end up with 23 cats and spend all my time knitting la…Never mind la…I where can no partner wan?...

OMG…that day I saw a bunch of local ganguros…If you have never come across the term ganguro…It refers to those Japanese girls that is blady tan (and must be fake wan)…With the area around the eyes highlighted…WHITE or light blue…Horribly bleached hair…PLATFORM shoes…(spice girls wore them)…Seems like that they have the worst dressing sense on earth…Ok la, acceptable that fake tan is in…but you have to make sure the spray is evenly distributed right?...And when you are walking with a 6 inch platform…make sure your steps are light ok?Come on la…wearing bright colored outfit (Pokka-dots everywhere, neon pink)…with flowers on the badly bleached hair…walking IN KLCC…
Matahari very terik meh?...until you hangus like that?
I SWEAR they were giggling and spoke mandarin-that-sounded-like-japanese...swt...beh tahan...so ciak lak..

* copyright reserved by nikki,2006 *

Well, isn’t it amazing that primates are only 2% different from fellow Homo sapiens in terms of biological build-ups?...
Well, isn’t it amazing that primates are only 2% different from fellow Homo sapiens in terms of biological build-ups?...
Where can?...we are so much…pleasant looking…
“Eii…don’t say that ah, you know right, the gorillas in the zoo might be thinking about the same thing…that they are prettier than us. Plus ah, they will say we are so ashame of our body that we have to put on clothes.”…(Chua, 2006).
In a way, perhaps what Mr. Patric Chua a.k.a lame king, said was right. Still, 2% only what?...Why so different?...

So many people have asked me what kind of guy do I like…***I have not really thought about it***…processing data…He only needs to fit into this list:

1)SHORT hair.
2)Great smile…(Nice teeth la.)
3)Average height and average weight.
4)Knows the balance between playing and studying.
5)Speaks English.
6)Owns 75% of my intelligence.
7)LOYAL.
8)This is my dad’s requirement: Academic achievement.
9)Not a member of the lala-clan.
Alot meh?...9 only what…yet, still no candidates…I don’t want to end up with 23 cats and spend all my time knitting la…Never mind la…I where can no partner wan?...

OMG…that day I saw a bunch of local ganguros…If you have never come across the term ganguro…It refers to those Japanese girls that is blady tan (and must be fake wan)…With the area around the eyes highlighted…WHITE or light blue…Horribly bleached hair…PLATFORM shoes…(spice girls wore them)…Seems like that they have the worst dressing sense on earth…Ok la, acceptable that fake tan is in…but you have to make sure the spray is evenly distributed right?...And when you are walking with a 6 inch platform…make sure your steps are light ok?Come on la…wearing bright colored outfit (Pokka-dots everywhere, neon pink)…with flowers on the badly bleached hair…walking IN KLCC…
Matahari very terik meh?...until you hangus like that?
I SWEAR they were giggling and spoke mandarin-that-sounded-like-japanese...swt...beh tahan...so ciak lak..

* copyright reserved by nikki,2006 *

Okla, i'll expose my secret life.

I love looking at pictures of dead people, hence, in love with Gottfried Helnwein - the most talented photographer on earth...being able to capture and potrait the stories of the dead.And the fact that he's Marilyn Manson's best friend...

I love Marilyn Manson, regardless of what people said about him.he's weird, but isn't being sadistic sexy?...also remember that if i can't like him, i'll admire his wife...she's hot too...Dita Von Teese.

I am a bitch.every girl is a bitch.it's just whether you admit it or not.to me, being able to admit it first requires you to accept the fact that you are a bitch.what?...you've never bad-mouth ANYONE?...you've never hate ANYONE that you wish he (referring to both sexes, if you don't know the word "he" can be used this way)...deserves to die?you've never wish that the girl wearing the blady-almost-not-there skirt trip at the staircase and put on a show, flashing her oh-so-fat-arse?COME ON!...we are all born bitches...not sluts.

I am very straight forward.tell me more than 2 lame jokes a day,and you'll receive the ever expressionless look from me,my eyes potraying the msg: "are you mentally healthy?"

I am not afraid of ghosts/ spirits/ souls.not even if they're thai.Never have and never will.why?...because they should be scared of me.hoho.and i really think korean and english ghost movies suck big time.1st of all...how's a ghost with an axe on the head or worm-popping eyes scary?2nd, korean ghost movies, have horrible sequence.one minute they are talking bout 2006...suddenly 1890...then back to 2006...wtf...i don't even know what is happening...and the lady next to me keeps screaming everytime the long hair or pale looking kid appears...and everytime she screams, i feel as though my life shortened by 2 years...

* copyright reserved by NIKKI 2006 *

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